Friends turn lesbian

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Friends turn lesbian

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Friends Turn Lesbian

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At 14, she became a Christian. Thinking that part of her faith meant that she should avoid dating, she put her lack of romantic interest in boys down to a commitment to God.

At 22, she met a woman who was also in her early 20s, through mutual friends. Bonding over their love of music, they formed a fast friendship.

Back at home, thinking about what had happened, Niya realised that she had feelings for her friend. The pair began to date in secret.

It had nothing to do with religion. Two years later, Niya felt she had to tell one person in her immediate family. She chose one of her brothers.

She had looked up YouTube videos of lesbian vloggers in other parts of the world. She watched films featuring same-sex couples and read a lot of reports on lesbian, bisexual and queer LBQ communities.

She began to understand the language of the internet. The BBC messaged Niya to tell her that we would be using images of a violet to illustrate the memes.

We chose the symbol - which differs vastly from the symbols the women use - because lesbian women in the s were said to give violets to their girlfriends.

Watching the YouTube videos had confirmed to Niya that she was not alone. But where were the other gay women in Burundi? Leila had grown up in a loving, supportive middle-class family in Bujumbura city.

She was popular. She had a boyfriend. After months of thinking about her continuously, she needed to share her feelings. Leila texted the friend. The two agreed to draw a line under the embarrassing episode.

Relieved, Leila put her months of infatuation down to a phase. It had been a one-off crush, with one woman. I cried. We convinced ourselves it was a phase.

I said I would. So I dumped him and started dating a cute guy. But when he looked at her quizzically, she says the full realisation of who she is hit her.

I am a lesbian, Leila told herself. But she still hoped there would be a way out of it. She prayed. She meditated. She became angry with herself.

You have the moment when you realise that there is no going back. This is you. You are gay. Your plans and expectations for what you thought life would be need to adjust.

Then there is the second coming out, the public coming out, to the people around you. When she came out to herself, Leila began to look for other gay people.

She doubted there would be women like her in Burundi, but she searched videos on Facebook and YouTube seeking lesbians in other countries.

Initially her mother took it badly. But as the days passed she began to ask more questions. The family agreed that as a lesbian woman in Burundi, Leila was already in a vulnerable position.

They could protect her while she was in the family home, but they could not guarantee her safety outside if the wrong people found out.

There was a shorthand, a recognition. You become an expert in body language, eye contact. A meme we may have picked up from somewhere else, or a coded phrase.

Nothing that anyone else outside the lesbian community would ever be able to pick up on. Leila, Niya - and later Nella - formed a community. Some have support from their families.

A few are married with children. No-one is openly out. Burundi is well known in the Great Lakes for its vibrant nightlife. Bujumbura has fewer than , inhabitants, but maintains a vivid youth culture.

The city, with its colonial-era Art Deco buildings surrounding a market, a football stadium and places of worship, sits on the shores of Lake Tanganyika.

The country has been home to bouts of conflict since independence in But today, for many young people enjoying the nightlife in Bujumbura, those tensions feel another lifetime away.

Tourists from neighbouring Rwanda, Tanzania and the Democratic Republic of Congo can be found enjoying the nightlife in the clubs or the five-star hotel bars.

Leila, Niya, Nella and their friends would often meet at these places. In , the government signed into law a new criminal code penalising same-sex relations between consenting adults.

The BBC has spoken to dozens. There is little data, and there has been no large-scale collection of testimony, so it is almost impossible to get an accurate picture of their lives.

US government records say that a lesbian couple was arrested in but released. Other than that, little else is documented.

Nella says she heard of women being killed in rural Burundi for being gay. She also heard of a lesbian who was recently jailed in Bujumbura.

The woman, while being a lesbian, was not arrested for her sexuality - the authorities were unaware of it, she believes.

It was because the woman had retaliated against domestic abuse in her family home, and lashed out against her abuser.

Leila thinks domestic abuse in families where a woman is suspected of being lesbian or bisexual is a big cause for concern.

The group has heard of abuse as a result of sexuality but it is impossible to verify. Often women withdraw their stories for fear of what might happen to them.

Many members of the group say they have experienced violence at the hands of family members who became suspicious about their sexuality.

Nella is now divorced but others in the group remain married. Their husbands are not aware of their sexuality.

According to Internet World Stats only 4. She and a few other women go out to speak to lesbian and bisexual women in the villages.

They hear about them through loose local networks, both on and offline, and through friends of friends. The secret language of lesbian love The wives, mothers and friends who hide their sexuality.

The peak of the midday sun has passed. This could be a group of friends in any park, in any country. But this is Burundi, where being who they are is against the law.

Nella is wearing a hijab. The pair met on a social networking site and the relationship is still new. A wedding was hastily arranged and Nella resigned herself to becoming a wife.

She then narrowed her search to Bujumbura. That doesn't mean you don't laugh about it later, mind you, but it doesn't turn into a big effin' deal.

For lots of people, sexuality is fluid and not always just defined as "gay" or "straight". They're your go-to threesome third.

If your boyfriend wanted to have a threesome , she's the person you'd ask to join you in the sack. It's a testimony to your friendship and to her hotness that you wouldn't think twice about asking her to join the wild rumpus in your bed.

With boyfriends you have to follow a series of mysterious rules and guidelines when it comes to expecting them to be there when you're sick, but not so with your friendships with women.

She may be your straight friend, but she's gonna be at your door with soup faster than you can say "You had me at hello. If there's one thing female best friends will always roll up their sleeves and do battle for, it is to defend the honor of their best friend, whether or not that ex is a guy or a girl.

But that's because people cannot handle the depth of female friendship. The only people who are better at arguing than you and your friend are couples who have been married for decades.

You fight like people in love, and your reconciliations are just as joyous Sign in. Join YourTango Experts. Photo: WeHeartIt.

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But there is also the danger that people within their own communities may turn on them. Nella sends a photo to the BBC using an encrypted app.

She's pictured sitting on a chair with young children around her. Another photo appears and this time she is wearing loose jeans and a fitted T-shirt.

Her curled black hair is visible and falling on her shoulders. Both women beam megawatt, toothy smiles. It feels good. Someone who knows her family may see her.

But she's sure she won't be recognised, because when she goes to meet her girlfriend, she removes the hijab she wears at home.

Nella was 17 years old when she fell in love with a girl for the first time. They met through sport — something Nella had been passionate about since she was a young girl.

She was from a conservative Muslim family. Dating was not an option, let alone with a woman. Nella was born in the city of Bujumbura, the capital of Burundi.

The country, which is one of the world's poorest, is located in the African Great Lakes region. It has struggled to gain stability since the end of a civil war in , and when it does hit the international headlines, it's mainly this image that is portrayed.

When she was a teenager, Nella dreamed of going to university. But her family were constantly urging her to get married. They would introduce her to members of the extended family, in the hope they could find a match.

When her parents died, Nella's brothers increased the pressure. There was no money for an education, they said, and besides they didn't believe a woman needed one.

They knew of a rich man who was interested in her. There was little time to lose, they insisted. At 20 she was getting on a bit. As a woman from a country like hers, Nella says her rights were already diminished.

The couple barely communicated and she dreaded intimacy. After the birth of her youngest child, Nella says she began to feel like the most isolated woman in the world.

She doesn't want to go into much detail about her marriage. She turned to social media and carried out searches for women who like women. Suddenly, she realised she was not alone.

What she discovered was that there is a shorthand, a secret code, that local lesbian women use to reach out to each other.

It largely relies on internet shorthand, obscure symbols used by lesbians around the world. Nella would send these images and emoticons to other women.

Those in the know would respond. Buoyed by what she found, Nella began connecting with women online. Women like her. Women who soon became her closest friends.

In , her husband found out about these conversations and her marriage broke down. He vowed to keep her sexuality a secret from the wider community for the sake of their children.

We are just one part of it. She was brought up by strict parents in a suburban neighbourhood of Bujumbura. She and her siblings had to be home earlier than their friends.

Niya had to dress conservatively and was expected to act in a demure way. Niya preferred friendships with boys but these never developed into crushes.

At 14, she became a Christian. Thinking that part of her faith meant that she should avoid dating, she put her lack of romantic interest in boys down to a commitment to God.

At 22, she met a woman who was also in her early 20s, through mutual friends. Bonding over their love of music, they formed a fast friendship.

Back at home, thinking about what had happened, Niya realised that she had feelings for her friend. The pair began to date in secret.

It had nothing to do with religion. Two years later, Niya felt she had to tell one person in her immediate family.

She chose one of her brothers. She had looked up YouTube videos of lesbian vloggers in other parts of the world.

She watched films featuring same-sex couples and read a lot of reports on lesbian, bisexual and queer LBQ communities. She began to understand the language of the internet.

The BBC messaged Niya to tell her that we would be using images of a violet to illustrate the memes. We chose the symbol - which differs vastly from the symbols the women use - because lesbian women in the s were said to give violets to their girlfriends.

Watching the YouTube videos had confirmed to Niya that she was not alone. But where were the other gay women in Burundi?

Leila had grown up in a loving, supportive middle-class family in Bujumbura city. She was popular. She had a boyfriend.

After months of thinking about her continuously, she needed to share her feelings. Leila texted the friend.

The two agreed to draw a line under the embarrassing episode. Relieved, Leila put her months of infatuation down to a phase.

It had been a one-off crush, with one woman. I cried. We convinced ourselves it was a phase. I said I would. So I dumped him and started dating a cute guy.

But when he looked at her quizzically, she says the full realisation of who she is hit her. I am a lesbian, Leila told herself.

But she still hoped there would be a way out of it. She prayed. She meditated. She became angry with herself.

You have the moment when you realise that there is no going back. This is you. You are gay. Your plans and expectations for what you thought life would be need to adjust.

Then there is the second coming out, the public coming out, to the people around you. When she came out to herself, Leila began to look for other gay people.

She doubted there would be women like her in Burundi, but she searched videos on Facebook and YouTube seeking lesbians in other countries.

Initially her mother took it badly. And their bottoms. And whatever else needs removing. You know what her boobs feel like In close female friendships , we view our friend's bodies as extensions of our own, and who doesn't like to have their butt squeezed one in a while?

Sure, you may start the movie marathon on opposite sides of the couch, but you know you're going to wind up in a puppy pile of snuggles before too long.

Being straight friends doesn't mean you can't enjoy the comfort and love of physical contact. Getting drunk and making out with your best friend doesn't make you a lesbian.

It makes you a human person who feels close enough to their bestie that they feel safe to explore and play. That doesn't mean you don't laugh about it later, mind you, but it doesn't turn into a big effin' deal.

For lots of people, sexuality is fluid and not always just defined as "gay" or "straight". They're your go-to threesome third. If your boyfriend wanted to have a threesome , she's the person you'd ask to join you in the sack.

It's a testimony to your friendship and to her hotness that you wouldn't think twice about asking her to join the wild rumpus in your bed.

With boyfriends you have to follow a series of mysterious rules and guidelines when it comes to expecting them to be there when you're sick, but not so with your friendships with women.

She may be your straight friend, but she's gonna be at your door with soup faster than you can say "You had me at hello.

If there's one thing female best friends will always roll up their sleeves and do battle for, it is to defend the honor of their best friend, whether or not that ex is a guy or a girl.

But that's because people cannot handle the depth of female friendship.

She doubted there would be women like her in Burundi, but she searched videos on Facebook and YouTube seeking lesbians in other countries. But no. After months Bbw cop porn thinking about her continuously, she needed to share her feelings. And that was the last time they talked about it. Burundi is well known in the Great Lakes for its vibrant Beshine cams.

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